1. |
In Love
03:35
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I feel alright with you, I just wish I felt in love instead of kneeling at your feet.
Because I still believe in you, but I don't think that you believe in me--last time you saw me, it's been weeks.
Why am I so cold and shaking? It's November--hear you in my head, I think I have you on repeat.
You can't raise up the dead, maybe raise me up instead, but I still haven't felt the heat.
I know you'd like to think you've saved me, but I've never seen you hold my hand. I know you think the sound is sweet, but sweeter it'll be with another Man.
No, I'm not crying, no--tears don't fall from up above. I feel alright with you, I just wish I felt in love.
I feel alright with you, I just wish I felt awake--your caress puts me to sleep. Ooh, faster than I'll ever say it, if you're my maker why haven't you made it? You made the rule so now I'm gonna break it. Lord, take my word, and take a seat.
I know you'd like to think you've saved me, but I've never seen you hold my hand. I know you think the sound is sweet, but sweeter it'll be with another Man.
No, I'm not crying, no--tears don't fall from up above. I feel alright with you, I just wish I felt in love.
I know you'd like to think you've saved me, but I've never seen you hold my hand.
I know you'd like to think you've saved me, but I've never seen you hold my hand.
I know you'd like to think you've saved me, but I've never seen you hold my hand.
I know you'd like to think you've saved me...
And maybe in a couple years, grown up and ready to confess, if you're still here, and I'm still here, I pray to Hell we treat each other best. I don't believe, no--but if push comes to shove, I'll feel alright with you, but I'll never feel in love.
Sorry, sorry.
I'll feel alright with you, but I'll never feel in love.
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2. |
Carnival
03:40
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And I can feel us, and I can feel us wasting away, slowly decaying in the background of a storyline that won't last past today. And then you chatter—and then you chatter plainly wide awake, while you dream of insecurities that don't mean a thing, to you it's all the same.
Do you remember the perfect sign of love? Do you remember how they made us cry? Do you remember, the fervor, the passion, the pain? Are we only worth watching if someone's to gain?
And that someone's me. Can that someone be me?
I've spent so much time in full down at the carnival and I know that my mind needs a moment of making it golden. So can you please do this one thing for me?
Can you let me see how I can live in full far from the Carnival?
And I know that your answer is no, but I can't help and make it gold.
So when you read this then please let me know, the answer is no.
I didn't know you, I didn't know you as well as I knew me. Our virginities are similarities, but past that, not much I can see.
And while we fight the same old fucking fight, and while we clean up the mess we've made, I wanna thank you, this is my last dance on my own—ready to find peace of mind, won't be dancing alone anymore.
‘Cause I will have me. Can that someone be me?
I've spent so much time in full down at the carnival and I know that my mind needs a moment of making it
golden. So can you please do this one thing for me?
Can you let me see how I can live in full far from the Carnival?
And I know that your answer is no, but I can't help and make it gold.
So when you read this then please let me know.
But in reality, I miss your touch, I miss you smile. I miss your voice, it's been a while since I relaxed down on the isle. The possibilities may all seem quite worthwhile—and I can't shake this feeling off, I know you hurt but I can't promise I'll leave.
I'll leave...
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3. |
Soft Soap
03:27
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Give an inch, take a mile, your smile is made of red scarlet paint.
Is it divinely inspired from the self-help book you bought Upstate?
Are you always right, hold tight--breathe deeply underwater, feel the tide.
Right arm, left side--don't lie, I see you walking straight.
We were taught to be ashamed, but you're asking us to let go. I know that you're the only one who sees that soft soap shit mind as a pocket of gold. You took a picture, oh, believed the tale it told, 'cause when you spoke, you screamed, but you're not the rightful own'. I know that you're the only one who sees that soft soap shit mind as a pocket of gold.
Hello there, don't stare--the scent of your sins is stuck in your hair.
Will you pretend that it just isn't there, a red herring for your musical dissonance, see?
We scream to erase your voice, your presence, and your self, because the flag we're flying deserves respect.
We were taught to be ashamed, but you're asking us to let go. I know that you're the only one who sees that soft soap shit mind as a pocket of gold. You took a picture, oh, believed the tale it told, 'cause when you spoke, you screamed, but you're not the rightful own'. I know that you're the only one who sees that soft soap shit mind as a pocket of gold.
We were taught to be ashamed, but you're asking us to let go. I know that you're the only one who sees that soft soap shit mind as a pocket of gold. (I don't believe you.)
You took a picture, oh, believed the tale it told, 'cause when you spoke, you screamed, but you're not the rightful own'. I know that you're the only one who sees that soft soap shit mind as a pocket of gold. (You're the only one, you're the only one).
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4. |
Comfortably
04:08
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I wish my touch was your obsession.
I wish my words were your satisfaction.
Wish we could sleep together comfortably.
I wish my eyes never strayed too far.
I wish I had made my wish on a different star.
Wish we could sleep together comfortably.
Wish I could show you how I could be free.
Wish I'd become just what you said I'd never be.
You'll hold my body, have your way with me.
Wish we'd hold hands while walking down the street.
I wish I knew what I really wanted.
Wish I could be enough to make you happy.
Wish we could sleep together comfortably.
Wish we could sleep together comfortably.
(You hold my body. Hold my hand and walk with me.
You hold my body. hold my hand down the street.)
Wish you and I, we made amends.
Maybe we have, do I know it, then?
With we could sleep together, quietly.
Wish we could sleep together. Wish we could sleep together.
Wish we could sleep together, comfortably.
Wish we could sleep together. Wish we could sleep together.
With we could sleep together, comfortably.
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5. |
Sun
03:45
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I really hope you don't taste what I taste when we kiss, my self-disappointment.
And when my mind's running wild, and I cry, know I'm cryin' for myself--it's not pointless.
I want you to touch me, see me, feel me, to make me believe--in a real me that isn't there when life pretends to be forgiving to me.
I want you to tell me, do me, feel me--become a new world, and take me, breathing, though it isn't there. Just make it clear it's just a story.
We're running high, flying numb, tell me what we're running from.
You don't know what you have, I'm too close to the sun.
Cuz I've been doing this a while, and I'm not taking a mile.
With every word that you've sung, I'm too close to the sun.
And maybe I could be wrong, but you're too close to the sun.
And I'm not one to pull your hair but if I have to I will, for the sake of my children.
And you can say that I'm wrong, please do that, I need that just to grow, keep on living.
I want you to touch me, see me, feel me, to make me believe--in a real me that isn't there when life pretends to be forgiving to me.
I want you to tell me, do me, feel me--become a new world, and take me, breathing, though it isn't there. Just make it clear it's just a story.
We're running high, flying numb, tell me what we're running from.
You don't know what you have, I'm too close to the sun.
Cuz I've been doing this a while, and I'm not taking a mile.
With every word that you've sung, I'm too close to the sun.
And maybe I could be wrong, but you're too close to the sun.
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6. |
Miss It
04:50
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Cyanide lips, formaldehyde wit. Take a pill to calm me down, numb my soul up. Carcinogen lungs, served with knife and prongs. "Make a choice why don't you?" Fair enough.
Fingers through your hair, looking for life in air. Swallow up your thoughts without taking mine away. Taking mine away, taking mine away--take ourselves away.
Driver, how much do I pay? Shrink my mind and take my glow away. This is my stop, make me miss it. Driver, how much do I pay? Leave the keys, the stoplight broke today. This is my stop, make me miss it.
Driver, how much do I pay? Driver, how much do I pay?! This is my stop, miss it, miss it!
Dopamine low, tachycardic slow. What about you makes me feel, like I'm grown up? Looking for a sign, lit with gas, over time. Let me burn then let me taste your brine, taste your brine, taste your brine.
Driver, how much do I pay? Shrink my mind and take my glow away. This is my stop, make me miss it. Driver, how much do I pay? Leave the keys, the stoplight broke today. This is my stop, miss it, miss it.
Do you want a happy life, or a happy ending? Do you want a happy life, or a happy ending? Is he a happy ending, for the same bullshit life? Because you want a happy life, not a happy ending?
Do you want a happy life, or a happy ending? Do you want a happy life, or a happy ending? Is he a happy ending, for a different life? Because you want a happy life, not a happy ending?
Do you want a happy life, or a happy ending? Do you want a happy life, or a happy ending? Is he a happy ending, for the sane life? Because you want a happy life, not a happy ending?
Is he a happy ending, for a different life? Because you want a happy life, with a happy ending.
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7. |
Just A Man
05:49
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I'm trying my best to feel human again, instead of the weight of my sins. You make me pretend like I'm someone that fell from above, and I'll be left behind when your push becomes shove.
Why do I keep coming back to you? You're a drug I can't quit, they all say. I shouldn't be guilted, addicted, be overused--don't let me cigarettes take my breath away.
Soon I'll breathe again. You've petrified my heart. Soon I'll breathe again. Desensitized my parts. Soon I'll breathe again. I tore your heart apart. Soon I'll breathe again. I'll pick the right cards next time.
I wish I could take away the pain, but how can I take what you give? You've made me a dose of Messiah, acetaminophen. Now I'm trying my best to feel human again.
Remember the insults I didn't see? Remember the crying, the nightly feelings of dread that I could not comprehend. My fears were your eyes, and my eyes never said.
You don't get to vomit in my mouth and then give me a piece of gum. When I bite your finger, you cut off your arm. Poison my lips, and then kiss them all better, you make me the devil when I'm just a man.
Why don't I learn from my mistakes? Why do you think you have none? Your dignity's more than your love ever was.
Soon you'll breathe again. There's space to find yourself. Soon I'll breathe again, and maybe I'll find myself. Soon they'll breathe again. This isn't our final climb. But soon, we'll breathe again. We'll find the right cards next time.
Remember when you screamed at me in asbury? Remember when you screamed at me on Union St.? Remember when you screamed at me on Christmas and on Halloween? Remember last November when I cried and couldn't scream?
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8. |
This Counts
04:27
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I told you to wait until the snow stopped falling down upon me.
I could not escape the warmth of his face.
I could not wait. The empty stage--cold, calm--called me.
I could not myself place my own disgrace--or grace?
And here you are: telling me to stitch my scars, and by needle say what the hell we were and are.
And through time, wounds heal, and through space, wounds stay. All we do is live, all we do is wait
You should know how much this counts. You should know we're paramount. And I won't let you lift another ounce--this counts, this counts, this counts.
You should know how far we've come. I will make myself overcome. [redacted] risk it all, and now I have no grounds--this counts, this counts, this counts.
This counts, this counts, this counts.
This counts, this counts, this counts?
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9. |
Fairy Lights
03:50
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The moon shines bright like your eyes in the middle of the night.
I wake up next to your face, and, I can't see mine.
Oh Lord, give me a sign. I don't know where to hide.
I'm fucking tired of clouds coming in and blocking my sky.
...and how do I get by?
Smoking these thoughts, I'm sitting, watching these fairy lights.
Why am I not surprised? Boy, I am not surprised.
I'm sorry, mom and dad, I know you're at God's house tonight.
And I'm becoming something real, it's being televised
Syndicated, weighted, elated in this paradise
This soul is hollow bone, this soul is hollow bone
Teach it how to fly amongst the fairy lights
Keepin' the smile on my face so you know I can survive,
And live my life pretending that I'm not living lies.
And when the sun don't shine, I'll have my alibi.
I won't be there, I won't be scared, won't be alive to see.
(Where will you be?) ...I'm staring at the screen,
And every word and letter, they scream back at me
What did I ever do? What didn't you do?
Had you been loyal to yourself, you wouldn't be confused.
And I'm becoming something real, it's being televised
Syndicated, weighted, elated in this paradise
This soul is hollow bone, this soul is hollow bone
Teach it how to fly amongst the fairy lights
Fm Cm-Gm Fm-Cm Eb-Bb
I can't pretend to run away from this place
When there's nowhere else to hide anymore, anytime
And when they ask me "are you happy?" I can say
Oh No but at least I'm alive.
And I'm becoming something real, it's being televised
Syndicated, weighted, elated in this paradise
This soul is hollow bone, this soul is hollow bone
Teach it how to fly amongst the fairy lights
Teach it how to fly amongst the fairy lights.
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10. |
Airglow
04:17
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Saw my face through a mirror of steel,
saw my eyes avoid a nuisance.
Is it the boy that is trying to feel?
Is it the man that has been used since?
Dear, it's we, dear, it's he who you see.
Do you not feel yourself as you wave to me?
You may be dead but you feel yourself teeming with life.
Are you sure you're alive?
I said so--asked you to leave but you never let go.
I feel airglow back on your street, where the smoke overflows.
Can't say no--swallow them now, let the story grow cold.
I feel airglow; lost in your mind, I've got nothing to show anymore.
I know the picture, I'm down by the bay,
but you stayed home to split open your veins,
and your conspiracies overtook your brain,
so you lied, every time, try to keep me insane.
Dear it's they, dear, it's they who can say,
only you and the voices they obey.
Eyes that stare as you feel yourself swaying in salt.
Is it really your fault?
I said so--asked you to leave and you wouldn't let go.
I feel airglow back on your street, where the smoke overflows.
Can't say no--swallow them now, let the story grow cold.
I feel airglow; lost in your mind, I've got nothing to show.
"Take them away", you begged daily, but I was begging the same--
so they took you away, no regrets.
I said so--asked you to leave and you never let go.
I feel airglow back on your street, where the smoke overflows.
Can't say no--swallow them now, let the story grow cold.
I feel airglow; lost in your mind, I've got nothing to show anymore.
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ABE New Brunswick, New Jersey
Wispy-voiced, singer-songwriter, with a synth and a pen.
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